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“A Day in the Life of a
Housecat”

By Missy “Kittycat” Grabman

“Bye, ladies. Be good,” our person says as she leaves for work. We, of course, are looking as innocent as we can when she bids her adieu. We watch the door close behind her and listen as her car pulls out of the driveway.

Now! She’s gone! We thought she’d never leave. Now we have the house all to ourselves.

The first order of business is to hop up onto the forbidden kitchen counter in order to reach the window that looks out onto the north yard. There’s nothing particularly interesting to watch out there since the next house is only about 10 feet away, but it’s just the principle of the thing. She’ll later notice that the curtain is a bit askew, but won’t know which of us is the guilty party who did it.

While I’m in the window, my sister is taking a snooze on another forbidden property – the kitchen table. She’s such a bad girl. I’m going to tell on her.

I’ve had enough window sitting, so I’ll mosey on into the bedroom and see what needs to be done there. Ah, yes. The mesh stocking-holder needs to be moved. It looks best, I think, in the middle of the floor where we can all behold its beauty. So I’ll move it from the laundry basket to the floor, where it belongs.

Now, I’ll hop up onto the adjoining bathroom’s sink and see if any hockey pucks are there. Sure enough! The man left the little plastic cover off his Bic razor. That’ll work nicely. I’ll bat the cover around and around until the path is open to scoring a point. I push it hard toward the goal – the drain – and in it goes. Score one for me!

My lady’s earrings catch my eye. They’re dangling from the earring holder beside the sink. Now everyone knows that dangling things must be batted at. So I go do my duty. Some of them even make a jingly sound when moved. Oh, goody! One fell off the holder, so that’s now a hockey puck, too. Bat, bat, bat, bat, then wham! Into the drain-goal. Another point for me.

Let’s see now. Our toy box is at the end of the hallway. Inside are a few little balls, some shoe strings, a toy mouse, and some more cat toys. The floors in the hallway and living room are awfully bare. They have no decoration. I’ll lend my services toward fixing that, with a shoe string here and there to brighten up the décor.

My sister is watching me, then has an idea of her own. She takes the toy mouse, drops it into our water bowl, then puts it onto the seat of our man’s favorite TV chair. He’ll like having a toy to play with.

Yessir, we’ve had a busy day, my sister and I. After a while of that, we’re pooped. It’s time for another nap. I settle onto my big bed (that I let the people use sometimes), and sister Phoenix stakes out her place on the rocking chair in the living room.

Time stops as we curl up into a ball, demonstrating to the world how to reduce stress to zero and totally relax. Ah, bliss!

Some time later, our slumber is rudely interrupted when our person comes through the front door. “My goodness, you two haven’t moved a muscle since I left this morning!” she exclaims.

“Yeah, right,” I say. “Do you know what Phoenix did? She got up on the kitchen table and took a nap there. You’d better discipline her!”

Our lady smiles. “What’re all the ‘meows’ about? Are you telling me that you missed me? What a sweet kitty you are!”

People are so dense!